Mirroring Monday – “It’s Boring” Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting. If you’re new to Connected Parenting and want to find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, check out this podcast by Jennifer Kolari (courtesy of Penguin Group USA).

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Rebecca Lindsay. Enjoy!

rebeccalindsay thumbnailMy Connected Parenting partner Kelly Parisa and I run an after school social skills group for children in Kindergarten through Grade 2. One afternoon (our third class), one of our boys arrived with his arms crossed determined not to come in. He was escorted to our room by his teacher who warned me, “He really doesn’t want to be here today. Good luck!”

My first reaction (thankfully I didn’t act on it) was… really? Why would he not want to come? We talk… We share… We read… We play games… We do art… This class is great! How could he possibly not want to come? However, instead of being defensive and then trying to convince him that he was going to have a good time, I left Kelly with the group, went over to him, plunked myself down with him at the door and mirrored… It went something like this…

“This is the last place you want to be right now!”

“Ya… I don’t even want to come in. It’s boring!”

“So, here you are thinking that this class is going to be so fun, and you’ve been here for 2 weeks and it has been boring.”

“Yep. All we ever do is talk.”

“Well that’s no fun. You’ve come here thinking that we’re going to do fun things and all we do is talk and that’s not fun for you.” His arms unfold and he begins to come into the room peering around the corner to see what the rest of the group is doing.

“No. It’s never fun.”

“Sitting around and talking is so not fun and having fun is important to you, especially after a long day of school.”

Taking a step into the class and leaning into me, He said, “Ya. But, we did read a book last week.”

“And that was a little bit fun, but still too much talking.”

“Ya… and we colored…”

By this time, he was only half paying attention to me and was walking away from me toward the group. He turned around while he was halfway there and said over his shoulder, “Well, today is going to be my last day…”

Escalation avoided… He returned the following week without incident.

Share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below. Or are you stumped? Feel free to leave a comment describing a situation you encountered where you couldn’t figure out how to mirror. We’ll try to incorporate it into a future Mirroring Monday post.

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Please remember that the advice given on this blog is not meant to replace medical advice or the direct advice of a mental health care professional.
"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
—Gabor Maté, M.D.

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