Mirroring Monday – Twin Sibling Rivalry Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting. If you’re new to Connected Parenting and want to find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, check out this podcast by Jennifer Kolari (courtesy of Penguin Group USA).

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Barbara Miller. Enjoy!

barbaramillerBedtimes can sometimes be a time when competition for mom’s attention becomes an issue – especially when kids are the same age (twins) and go to bed at the same time.

The other night, it went like this at our house.

“You always spend more time with Sam and go to his room first!” (which, truth be told, is not the case).

Sam shouts from his room: “That’s not true Emma. Mommy always reads longer to you!”

Emma continues to declare how unfair her life is and how I don’t care about her. Knowing that patiently providing lots of evidence to the contrary will not work as I have tried it unsuccessfully before, I move into mirroring mode.

“You know, I think you would sometimes love to be the only child and have me all to yourself. It’s really hard to share the attention sometimes”.


“And just think, because you and Sam are twins you have ALWAYS had to share attention since you were born! Wow, that is so frustrating … I think sometimes being a twin is tougher than some people realize!”

“Yeah … lots of people don’t know how it feels,” (with a beginning smile and less anger now).

“And to make it even trickier, you and Sam are so different that sometimes it’s even hard to agree on what you both want to play”.

“Yeah … I love art and Sam just wants to play sports and not use his imagination!”

And so we continue a conversation about differences and how it can be hard but it can also make life a lot more interesting. The competition between both children is still there but mirroring their sense of unfairness brings the level of frustration way down.

Share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below. Or are you stumped? Feel free to leave a comment describing a situation you encountered where you couldn’t figure out how to mirror. We’ll try to incorporate it into a future Mirroring Monday post.

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Please remember that the advice given on this blog is not meant to replace medical advice or the direct advice of a mental health care professional.
"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
—Gabor Maté, M.D.

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—Barbara Coloroso