Mirroring Monday: Bedtime Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting. If you’re new to Connected Parenting and want to find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, check out this podcast by Jennifer Kolari (courtesy of Penguin Group USA).

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Barrett Kolari. Enjoy!

barrykolariWhen you are mirroring, it’s best if you can understand the place where your child is coming from. It’s not always possible, but it works best when you do, so you can really capture the affect.

My daughter Zoe had a karaoke machine and she was always methodical when she used it. She took her time getting it all ready, setting out the microphone and CD’s etc. It took her a while before she even sang one song. One evening at bedtime, I was approaching her room and noticed her just finishing her preparations before singing. I thought to myself, “Oh no! She just got ready and now it’s time for bed. How sad!”

I could have easily breezed into the room with a “Time for bed,” comment and Zoe would have responded with, “But Dad, I haven’t even sung one song, that’s not fair.” I would have said, “Ya, but you know your bedtime….blah, blah, blah.” She would’ve started to complain and the power struggle would’ve been on! Instead, I knew she would be sad and I felt what she would feel and I said:

“Oh no! You spent so much time getting everything ready and you have everything ready to go and now it’s time for bed. I feel so bad telling you it’s bedtime. I feel so sad for you!”

And she said:

“Oh, it’s OK Dad. I can sing tomorrow.”

And she promptly got ready for bed. It doesn’t always work this well but seeing things from her perspective definitely helped me mirror. And I think it really helped her to get the message.

Share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below. Or are you stumped? Feel free to leave a comment describing a situation you encountered where you couldn’t figure out how to mirror. We’ll try to incorporate it into a future Mirroring Monday post.

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Please remember that the advice given on this blog is not meant to replace medical advice or the direct advice of a mental health care professional.
"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
—Gabor Maté, M.D.

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