Mirroring Monday – Mom's In a Hurry Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting. If you’re new to Connected Parenting and want to find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, check out this podcast by Jennifer Kolari (courtesy of Penguin Group USA).

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Jennifer Kolari. Enjoy!

kolari thumbnailTeaching people how to mirror doesn’t mean I always remember to do it myself. Sometimes l get so wrapped up in my own agenda with my kids that I forget to use this effective tool – even though I talk to parents all day long about using it.

The other day my 6-year-old Olivia was following behind me as we hurried through the front door. We were getting in late from a program and I needed to get bedtime going fast. Olivia was in a playful mood and not at all sharing my sense of urgency. She came in sneaking behind me, having fun, and when I turned around to ask her to hurry up the stairs, she pretended to hide behind me. I was in no mood and launched right into the stop goofing around and let’s go speech. Olivia’s response was to sit on the ground, pout and refuse to move. It was beginning to escalate, and looking back we were heading straight for a big power struggle.

My husband, who had watched us come in, was in a much clearer state of mind at the time and got down on the ground and talked to Olivia:

“You were trying to have fun and trick Mommy into thinking you didn’t come in the house right?”

Olivia nodded in response.

“You were trying to have fun but it’s not going very well is it?”

Another nod.

“Sometimes when grownups are in a hurry things don’t seem funny to them and when Mommy asks you to go upstairs because it’s late you have to listen.”

I started to get with the program at this point and added:

“Wow! You were trying to be funny and I didn’t even get the joke. No wonder you sat down!”

Olivia, feeling very heard, then said, “You need to fix your funny bone Mom,” and quickly trotted up the stairs. My husband winked at me and said, “and that’s how its done”.

Share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below. Or are you stumped? Feel free to leave a comment describing a situation you encountered where you couldn’t figure out how to mirror. We’ll try to incorporate it into a future Mirroring Monday post.

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Please remember that the advice given on this blog is not meant to replace medical advice or the direct advice of a mental health care professional.
"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
—Gabor Maté, M.D.

"A must read for parents, educators, and any other adults who want to connect in a deeply caring and positive way with the children in their lives."
—Barbara Coloroso