Is It Just Me? – Body & Soul

Seven year-old Harrison and I have our deepest exchanges in the minutes before he falls asleep. It is then that my youngest son allows himself to be bathed in maternal kisses. It is then that it’s okay for him to entreat me to stay by using his “bunny snatch”, a term Harrison coined for holding on to me, his forearms and hands sticking up from under one of my arms like rabbit ears.

Some nights, Harrison implores me to ask him challenging math questions, a task that makes my brain hurt from stretching without the use of a calculator. We’ve also discussed which is more satisfying: the yawn or the sneeze (the yawn won by a hair and only because it can be accomplished without some hapless bystander being sprayed.)

But, last week, in the dappled darkness of a spring evening, Harrison asked me: “Mom, is it more important to take care of your body or your soul?”

If I hadn’t already been lying down, I’m pretty sure the enormity of his question would have knocked me over like a pin in a bowling alley. How would I answer it?

I have no choice but to believe in the body. It asserts itself every time I creakily climb a flight of stairs, with every irrational craving for flourless chocolate torte and every Charlie-horse that shoots me straight up to the ceiling from my bed in the middle of the night. The body is the family dog: “Feed me! Pet me! Take me for a walk! I’ll be your friend.”

The soul is a much more subtle and sophisticated entity. Its needs are delicate and complicated, requiring discernment rather than solutions thrown in one’s face like cream pie at a school fundraiser. The soul is the family cat: “Don’t look at me. Don’t expect anything from me, but make sure I have everything I need or I will turn your world into a battlefield.”

Harrison is open to any idea as long as it is logical. Healthy foods that don’t taste like they fell off an ice cream truck do not fall into this category. My son and I regularly debate the merits of a proper diet; by proper I mean one that includes the odd fruit or vegetable, but I never make any headway. And, bribery doesn’t work because Harrison doesn’t live to eat like me. He is one of those lucky, otherwise engaged people who view food as an occasional necessity. He eats when he is hungry and stops when he is satiated. As far as he’s concerned, chocolate is the only sensible reason to choose eating as a pastime.

Harrison “takes care of his body” by gagging down the daily multi-vitamin I provide. He assures me he will eat actual healthy foods later when he is a grown-up and has “more spare time”.

During our body and soul discussion, Harrison explained that he does nurture his body with the exercise he gets at school, playing ball hockey with his dad and brother and from the t-ball league he recently joined.

“But, I also feel happy when I do those things because they’re fun” Harrison noted. “Does having fun count as taking care of your body?”

Hell, yeah. Well, I didn’t put it quite that way. Instead, I explained the release of endorphins – little bubbles of good health that are sent through Harrison’s bloodstream every time he has a good laugh, scores a goal or cheers on his friends when they’re running bases.

“So, exercising takes care of your body and your soul then?” he asked.

I had to concur. As an adult, I finally realized that our bodies and spirits are completely intertwined. Power-walking up hills with my ipod blasting anthems on a crisp spring morning makes both my halves whole. Sometimes, I simply listen to the busy birds – okay, I talk to them on occasion, Robin to robin; my reconnection with the natural world is rejuvenating to my body and soul. I also attend boxercise class several times each week. The work-outs have strengthened my arms and core muscles, but I have also met wonderful people and have replaced my physical inhibitions with laughter. I feel that I am rewarded with comfort and inspiration during every single visit.

When I experience an uproarious evening with a close friend, an impromptu sock fight or concert in the living room with my husband and sons, or a hilarious hour with my mom in a clothing store change room, the two of us exploding with laughter over how completely different things look on a hanger than on real people – my happiness produces the same healthy endorphin bubbles as a ten-kilometer run. And, my knees remain pain-free!

I shared these thoughts with Harrison and we concluded that bodies and souls require equal attention. Regarding the part of the soul that might move on when we die, we agreed that trying to be considerate, kind and “mostly honest” will stand us in good stead for all future lifetimes.

After a moment of quiet, Harrison turned to me, a big smile illuminating his “Chiclet” teeth. “Mom, I just realized that chocolate does everything!”

“Seriously?” I responded.

“It has milk in it, which has calcium and protein so it’s good for your body, and eating it makes your soul very happy. Yep, chocolate is the healthiest food ever invented.”

I capitulate to his logic.

"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
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