Mirroring Monday – Band-Aid Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting and share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below.

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Jennifer Kolari. Enjoy!

I had a mirroring moment with my daughter Olivia just this morning. It was a small thing but it never ceases to amaze me how well this technique works and how wonderful it feels when it does. This morning, Olivia stood at the top of the stairs and asked me to help her get a band-aid off her leg. “Help me get it off,” she said, “but don’t rip it”. In my head, I knew it would be a whole ordeal trying to get it off slowly so in a flash I ripped the band-aid off and in a second it was over. She was so upset and angry that she ran into her room yelling at me and slammed the door. My instinct was to say, “oh honey it’s not so bad, it’s better this way it was over so fast now you don’t have to worry about it”. I actually started to say that until I could see on her face how upset she was. I mirrored and said:

“I can’t believe I did that! I just ripped off the band-aid right after you had just told me not to do that. I didn’t listen to you at all. I didn’t respect that it was your body”.

My Olivia, who can be a handful and can get very angry, looked at me, walked over to me and took my hand and asked me to come play with her. It was over just like that. It was a small moment but an important one. Mirroring doesn’t have to take a long time and it doesn’t mean you have to dig deep emotionally. The most powerful moments are the ones where you just “get it” and say it out loud.

* To find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, read the Connected Parenting book or make an appointment with one of our therapists.

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Please remember that the advice given on this blog is not meant to replace medical advice or the direct advice of a mental health care professional.
"Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones."
—Gabor Maté, M.D.

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