Mirroring Monday – Mirroring the Mirrorer Edition

Start the week off right with examples of mirroring from the team at Connected Parenting and share your own favorite mirroring moment in the comments below.

This week’s Mirroring Moment is from Rebecca Lindsay. Enjoy!

Kelly – this is dedicated to you… I didn’t even realize you were mirroring until today when I sat down to write my Mirroring Monday post and thought about a twist – writing about when someone mirrored me and made me not only feel better but look inward at my own behavior! Thank you! And, enjoy – let’s do lunch again soon…

The ‘almost’ abandoned lunch…

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die-hard Coca Cola fan. I know just where to get the best fountain Coke mix, I know where to get the glass bottles of Coke from Mexico. I even know which restaurants (fast food and dine in) serve Coke. Needless to say, most often I choose my dining destinations based on whether or not Coca Cola is served.

My Connected Parenting partner Kelly Parisa knows this well! She does her homework when offering to meet for lunch, and is always prepared to offer me choices of restaurants all of whom serve Coca Cola…

Last week, after a particularly difficult week for me, we planned to meet for lunch in Old Town, San Diego. I, having eaten at El Fandango a year ago and knowing they served Coca Cola then, suggested we meet at this particular spot. Since I had suggested this restaurant, there was no need for Kelly to do the beverage research.

I was running a few minutes late and Kelly made it to the restaurant first. She sat down, began enjoying some chips and salsa and then ordered a… Pepsi??? She had a sinking feeling in her stomach when she ordered it, felt an urge to text me and let me know, but refrained because after all, I chose this place. The food must be out-of-this-world, she thought…

So, I arrived a few minutes later and settled in to Kelly’s carefully chosen table by the fire (yes in July). I noticed her dark bubbly beverage and couldn’t wait to order my own. The waiter approached our table and offered to take my drink order. He apologized when I ordered a Coke and explained that they only serve Pepsi. “I need a moment” was all I could muster. I looked at Kelly with my mouth wide open ready to plead my case to leave… that a large, ice cold, fountain Coke was what I really wanted more than anything to make me feel better… There was no need to say anything… No need to explain… The look of horror on Kelly’s face said it all.

“Oh my gosh,” she said. “I thought you knew it was Pepsi here. You love Coke. You’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

My mouth remained open. “They used to be Coke,” were the only words I could get out…

“You hate Pepsi… You love Coke. It’s your drink. Let’s go somewhere else.”

Feeling somewhat mysteriously calmed, I said that I could just order a margarita instead (believe it or not this would not have been much of a consolation for me but I was strangely willing to settle).

“You love Coke. Let’s go somewhere else. I’ll pay for my drink and we’ll leave. There are tons of awesome restaurants that serve Coke and they’re all within walking distance. Let’s go. This is a big deal for you.”

Again, feeling understood and completely validated (whether I was right or wrong), I took a breath, took a moment and really evaluated the situation. Do we leave and go find another place? The atmosphere was perfect. Kelly was so accommodating and looked so concerned…

“You know what? I’m fine. Let’s stay. This is ridiculous. I can order a Pepsi with lemon. It’s not the same but it will do. I’ll live and can get a Coke later.”

“Are you sure?” Kelly asked. “It’s really not that big a deal.” She was completely neutral but beautifully expressed her empathy – and seemed to really understand.

“Ya… I’m sure. I’m okay.” I thanked her for being so cool about the whole thing and then laughed at myself for being so ridiculous!

Would you believe me if I told you that the waiter, (perhaps sensing the possibility we might leave) showed up at our table a few minutes later with a cold bottle of Coke which he had gone and purchased for me?

The mirroring was perfect enough. The fact that the waiter brought me a Coke was the icing on the cake!

I enjoyed an amazing, delicious lunch with my friend, felt validated and understood and secretly a little spoiled and ridiculous for creating such a stir!

* To find out more about mirroring and the CALM method, read the Connected Parenting book or make an appointment with one of our therapists.

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