This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader whose two-year-old has a limited diet and does not like to try new foods. Jennifer explains that it’s important to stay neutral – don’t get too upset when your child doesn’t want to eat something and don’t have a parade for them when they do. It doesn’t take long for a child to learn that his or her eating behavior can really push your buttons. Jennifer suggests calmly continuing to offer different foods, modelling trying new foods yourself, and allowing your child to get used to new foods slowly. Read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
Return to Main Blog
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader whose son made the switch to big boy underwear but started to suffer setbacks after a couple of weeks when the novelty of his potty rewards wore off. Jennifer advises that absolute neutrality is key, avoiding celebration when things go well and anger and upset when things go badly. Jennifer explains that making a big deal can make kids anxious or teach them that potty behavior is a great way to push our buttons. Finally, Jennifer recommends going back to pull-ups, reassuring your child that it’s OK if they aren’t ready for underwear and that they will be one day. Read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a reader’s question about how to deal with a tween who is increasingly hostile. Jennifer explains that teenagers’ brains are still maturing and they may have trouble keeping perspective. She advises parents not to take their child’s behavior personally and to be extra-vigilant about using their best parenting practices, such as mirroring and neutrally enforcing limits, to ensure that their children continue to feel lovable even as they act out. Read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
Charlie and I saw eye to eye for exactly six days this past September.
But, instead of the seventh day being a day of rest the way it is in Genesis, for my thirteen year-old son it was a day of growth the way it is in real life. Suddenly, Charlie and I stood eyebrow to eye. The scary inevitability that my eldest son would grow taller than me became real in one night. How would I manage him now? Moreover, how would I manage myself?
He was just born, for Pete’s sake. A blink ago, Charlie was a twenty inch bundle with candlestick fingers and an insatiable appetite. The appetite remains the same, but everything else has morphed and sometimes I feel as if he’s the Peter Boyle to my Gene Wilder in “Young Frankenstein”, only instead of “Putting on the Ritz” he eats the whole box of them – and then some.
A couple of weeks ago, Charlie and I had an altercation. We often have them – sometimes about small, inconsequential-to-everyone-but-me issues such as why he crams his ski-jacket into a shelf in the closet instead of using a hanger (too much time involved, I’m told) and sometimes about larger concerns like whether or not we should allow him to attend a party at an acquaintance’s house when he’s not sure if the boy’s parents will be home or even on the same continent. As with many of our arguments, this latter one occurred “hypothetically”, right after I asked my son to hang up his jacket in our entrance-way closet. (more…)
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader who is having trouble getting her 10-month-old child to eat meat. Jennifer advises mixing pureed meat with familiar vegetables and then staying neutral when you offer it to your baby. Read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader who is having trouble weaning her 17-month-old son from breastfeeding.
Jennifer advises gradually cutting back on daytime feedings and leaving the nighttime feeding for last. She emphasizes that it’s important to give extra snuggles and comfort but not to give in no matter how much he cries. Giving in rewards the crying and will only make your child unhappier because he will cry more to get what he wants.
Click here to read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader whose friend is dying.
Jennifer explains how hard it is to be strong for a dying loved one while we experience our own fear and sadness at the prospect of losing them. She notes that our sadness is an emotion that can run deep and connect to other times in our lives when we have been sad, which can make the sadness feel overwhelming or like it will never let up. Jennifer stresses that as difficult as it is to experience such profound sadness, the only way out is by walking through the pain, no matter how difficult. Leaning on friends, family, faith or a counselor can help. Bereaved Families of Ontario is a great resource. Most importantly, although it’s hard to imagine when you are going through it, you have to remember that things will get easier with time.
Click here to read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a pregnant reader who is anxious about breastfeeding her twins.
Jennifer advises nursing moms to eat well, stay hydrated, and get lots of rest. Ask for and accept help to reduce stress. Pump so others can also feed the babies. Be patient – it takes a while to get the hang of nursing two babies at once. Finally, take the time to connect with your babies by smiling and cooing at them in turn. Connecting with your babies this way will reduce both yours and your babies’ stress.
Click here to read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
[Originally posted at Just the Facts, Baby]
It’s hard enough to navigate the challenges you face with your partner after a new baby, but other relationships can get shaken up as well. Suddenly, getting along with your parents or in-laws can become tricky. My mother is a wonderful mom and a fantastic grandmother, but I do remember a time, just after my first child was born, when she elbowed me out of the way at the change table.
I remember thinking, “Did that just happen?”
I don’t even think she realized it-as my mother, she was used to taking care of me, and taking care of my baby seemed the thing to do. It was hard for her to see me as the mother in this situation and it was an adjustment for her to pull back and support me rather than take over. We had many a blanket war. I would take it off, sure my son would overheat, and she would put it back, certain he would freeze. It took a while for each of us to find our roles and our places.
It can be even more challenging when this battle is playing out with in-laws. Small issues can crop up, such as your baby’s features being attributed exclusively to your partner’s side of the family (as if he was born by immaculate conception), as can bigger issues, like criticizing your parenting or undermining all the work you did to get your child to sleep through the night. This can cause friction between you and your partner too, forcing you to take sides and align with each other or your parents.
The best way to handle these challenges is to remember that most of us work it out and find ways to see the good outweighing the bad. (I’ll deal with problem in-laws in a future blog post-I promise). Grandparents offer a lifetime of wisdom and have already raised their kids to adulthood. If you and your partner disagree on what they have to say, stay neutral-getting mad only escalates things. Listen and reflect back their advice, then make your point. If you’re confident, you will send the message that you hear them, but you and you partner will be making your own choices.
Treasure your baby’s grandparents; the magic, perspective, and history they can bring to your children are incredible gifts. No one can make your child feel as special as a grandparent. You may not always want to hear what grandparents have to say, but their wisdom can be priceless. When it isn’t, find the humour in it. At times, the best thing you can do is shake your head and laugh.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader about how to recapture the spark after the birth of your child.
Jennifer explains that it is normal for couples to experience some physical distancing when their children are young. She advises couples to take the pressure off and focus on non-sexual touching for a while, make sure to resolve all arguments, and make an effort to be thoughtful to each other.
Click here to read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
This week at Kolari’s Corner on InfoMommy, Jennifer Kolari answers a question from a reader about how to help a child adjust to her first daycare experience.
Jennifer explains that clinging and whining, or defiance and other yucky behavior, during this period of transition are a youngster’s way of expressing that she is unsure about her bond with her parents now that they are spending more time apart. Kolari advises that it’s important to let your child know that you’ve gotten the message that this is a big deal for them. You can do this by paying extra attention to the parent-child connection and even babying your child for a few days. This will reassure her and give her the confidence she needs to become more independent. When it is time to take your child to daycare, Kolari says, it’s important to send a message of competence, letting your child know that you are confident that they will be OK and making your goodbyes brief.
Click here to read Jennifer’s full answer or check out her other advice at Kolari’s Corner.
Ahh the crazy routines of carpools, programs, homework and early morning scrambles. Living in the fast pace of trying to make everything run like clockwork, can be overwhelming. For many of us the tone of the day is set by the morning, a good morning can start the day off well and make it all seem manageable, a bad day can leave us feeling angry frustrated and frazzled. We then bring these feelings into work with us or carry them with us as we move through our day.
The same is true for our kids, if they walk into school already agitated and upset, they will overreact to little things which can get in the way of learning and positive social experiences. It is really important to have a good morning routine that can help us all start the day out well and get to work or school feeling upbeat.
Not every morning will go perfectly but you can certainly decrease or eliminate the yelling, lecturing and threatening. How many of us get the frantic tone in our voice urging our kids to” get out the door! Hurry up; I’m going to be late! Why do you do this to me every morning?” How many times do we promise ourselves that we won’t let this happen anymore only to find that it does? Here is a plan to help everyone start the day out right.
First, give yourselves lots of time. Whatever you thing you or your children may be getting out of those few extra minutes of sleep is being undone by the rush it will cause later.
Talk to your children and tell them there will be a new morning routine designed to make everyone happier in the morning, and tell them what that new routine will look like. Then the next day if you can wake up before the kids to get dressed have your coffee and read the paper. Once you have had a chance to take care of yourself, wake the kids up earlier than you have been, I usually recommend 30 minutes earlier than usual.
Break the morning up into what I call windows. The first window is your Childs personal time. They can have 20 minutes all to themselves without you telling them what to do. Wake them up warmly with hugs, kisses and kind words. If they love that great, if they grumble and they don’t like it, stay neutral, don’t get mad then calmly leave the room. They can lie in bed; they can go back to sleep, play with toys, read, whatever you normally allow in the morning. After that the next window opens and that may be getting dressed and brushing teeth. It is 15 minutes long you can give them instructions 3 times; when the window opens, to tell them five minutes before it closes and when it has closed.
If they get dressed right away they have more personal time, if they want to play with their toys with one leg in their pants that’s fine too as long as pants are on by the time the window closes. You do not nag or remind in the window. Then they move onto the next window which is eating breakfast. Follow the same rules. Here comes the most important part, the last window is the getting out the door window. It is extremely rare that you can stand at the door at 8:28 and say let’s go and everyone follows you out the door in single file and you are on your way by 8:30. It doesn’t happen. It takes at least 15 minutes generally to get out the door. Leave yourself that time. Tell the kids it is time to go 15 minutes before departure. That way when they can’t find their gym shoes or the hate the shirt they have on and need to change you are calmly waiting at the door knowing you have built in time for this.
If your kids do not accomplish what they needed to during one of the windows they can owe you that 15 minutes back, with a job to do that takes 15 minutes, or by going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Make sure to follow through if that is what you have set up. You can also give positive rewards later if you like, for accomplishing tasks during a window.
Mornings will be much more relaxed and enjoyable, everyone can start the day feeling good, feeling loved and feeling positive.
Give yourself more time
Stay neutral
Don’t nag
If they don’t accomplish what they needed to in one of the windows, stay calm and follow through with the consequence later.
Fill the morning with laughter and cuddles.
Subscribe