Last week, we blogged about We Day, a Free the Children initiative that is meant to kick off a year-long plan of action. Two other programs, Project Give Back and Ryan’s Well, also empower children to have an impact. Each of these programs starts with inspirational stories of children who have made a difference and then provides specific training to enable participants to be effective in their own social action projects.

Project Give Back was started by Ellen Schwartz, founder of Jacob’s Ladder, an organization that promotes awareness and supports research for neurodegenerative disease. With Ellen’s experience as a fundraiser and an educator, Project Give Back is a “curriculum based program,” designed to complement a Grade 4/5 language arts curriculum. The program aims “to enhance responsibility and develop a deep seated feeling in one’s self to make a difference in the lives of others.” Students begin their project with Kidspiration, a presentation by a child who has made a difference in the world. Project Give Back participants then research a charity of their choice, plan and implement a fundraiser, and report their activities and results to the charity.

Ryan’s Well Foundation highlights the inspirational story of Ryan Hreljac, who was able to raise enough money to build a well in Uganda by the age of seven. The Foundation’s Youth In Action initiative is based on the belief that:

“Young people can and do make a significant difference in our world. . . . [and through the] program, students will see that they can become active and responsible citizens in their own communities and/or abroad by working cooperatively with their global brothers and sisters.”

Students participating in the program raise money to provide clean water to communities in need.

With the support and training of these programs, kids’ successes provide their own powerful message of empowerment and competence.  Check them out and see how you can get your kids and your schools involved.

Homework is one of the top five issues that constantly come up for parents and their children. The “homework meltdown” is a common event in homes, complete with tears, power struggles and yelling that can last well into the evening and carry over in the form of hurt feelings, shame and frustration.

In our busy lives, with programs, multiple commitments, video games and individual electronic devices we can become distanced from one another. It is so important to reconnect and enjoy one another more, I often find that homework battles can be an obstacle to this and an incredible stressor for parents and children. With the homework battle taking up most of the night, this scenario is repeated throughout the week.

There are educational benefits to homework such as establishing good work habits and solidifying concepts but that tends to work for students who are positive and more enthusiastic about homework. For others, homework can be a huge source of anxiety, fighting and a real battle ground that distances parents and children, and causes kids to associate stress and upset with learning. When you add in after-school activities, homework often gets crammed in later in the evening when children and tired and cranky.

As parents, our own concerns and worries about our children’s success often turns this into an explosive combination. For children who have learning disabilities, ADHD, anxiety, homework is just another time of the day where they may feel incompetent. Focusing on activities that make them happy and build self esteem, such as music, drama, sports programs, or play time, can be far more beneficial and protective. Very little is learned and retained when one is in a heightened level of stress.

Homework does not have to end in tears and fighting. It is possible to find balance and manage negative homework behavior. It is possible to work towards establishing homework time as a positive learning experience.

Homework Tips for Parents

* Stick to the your school’s guidelines on how long children should spend on homework and do no more than that (unless your child is happy and motivated to continue).

* If very little gets done, write a note to the teacher stating that homework time did not go well and this was all that is
accomplished.

* Never get in a homework battle, no one wins.

* Try to organize a homework buddy–an older child in the neighborhood who can help your child at homework time.

* Empathize with your child about how they are feeling before lecturing them on why homework is important.

* Stay neutral–sometimes kids use power struggles to avoid the work. If you are eager to oblige with an argument you will become part of the avoidance pattern.

* Be careful about negative consequences for not doing homework. If you must consequence, keep it immediate and stick to what you say, i.e. no TV that same evening.

* Try to use positive rewards for good choices and good work habits. Maybe a fun activity you can share together. This can help create good habits and change negative patterns.

* Support the teacher; try not to talk about how there is too much homework. It is important that your child see you supporting the school.

We are all born hardwired for how we handle anxiety, some of us are not anxious at all – some of us are very anxious. In addition to that hardwiring Life events and experiences push us up or down the continuum. Some anxiety is good safe choices but we want to make sure that our children control their anxiety so it doesn’t control them. We don’t want their worries and fears to get in the way of enjoying and participating fully in their lives.

The best way to determine if your child has a problem with anxiety is to think about whether it is stopping them from doing the things they want to. Does it make them feel badly about themselves? Do they spend a lot of time clinging and crying or if they’re older withdrawing. DO they feel great distress when separating from you? Do they worry way in advance about things that have not happened yet? Do they constantly complain of headaches, stomache aches or dizziness? Any physical symptoms should be checked out by a Doctor but you can ask your child’s paediatrician to investigate anxiety if this is a theme for your child.

Parents should also understand that some children are happy even though they tend to stand on the sidelines. It is not always anxiety some children prefer to observe and take things in tackling tasks or activities when they are ready. It’s important to know when it’s our issue versus theirs.

Children don’t always show the typical or obvious signs of anxiety that we might think of, sometimes demanding behaviour, extreme bossiness temper tantrums and sleep disturbances can all be symptoms of anxiety.

Here’s what to do:

Get Connected: spend more cuddle time with young children and spend more alone time with teenagers. Children feel safe and more secure when they feel deeply loved.

Fight or Flight Response: When a child is feeling anxious, their fight or flight instincts might kick in. This means their brain is not letting them think rationally, so when a parent tries to rationalize the situation, the child feels like they aren’t being listened to. Instead, ask lots of questions about how they are feeling, and put some urgency in your voice, without sounding anxious yourself. This will show you get that they are worried, and will help them get back to a place where they can hear the logical things you have to say.

Give it a Name: Don’t talk about your child being afraid, because this makes it seem like something that they can’t fix. Give it a name, like the “worry bug” for older kids or teens just refer to it as the worry that gets in the way. Then you can work together to come up with ways to reduce it. This helps kids to control their emotions.

Get the Control back: Kids are exposed to a lot of adults themes – and they are not socially or emotionally prepared to deal with these. Set limits on behaviour and the things you kids are exposed to. When kids see that parents don’t have control they get nervous about who will take care of them, this aggravates anxiety.

Scaling: get your kids to rate their anxiety and use deep breathing or positive imagery to bring the number down.

Calm yourself: Sometimes children come by there anxiety honestly. Use the same techniques to make sure you are calm. Kids often gauge their responses based on ours.