Guest blogger Kim Schewitz is a marketing consultant, writer and mother of two.

8:15am. I do not care that I am galloping down two stairs at a time with my children watching, despite the fact that I have warned them against this gravity-taunting act several hundred times. Beads of sweat are replacing the recent soapy shower suds, instantaneously erasing their value. We should have been out the door five minutes ago. A rudimentary shuffle of the front door cabinet contents does not reveal the car keys. Neither does the kitchen counter, the kitchen drawer, or the other usual suspects such as coat pockets, the front door lock or the car ignition.

The children are beginning to stifle in their winter layers. One of them dares to make a previously declined request.
“Don’t even think about it,” (the ask or the negotiation) I caution.
“But mo-ah-m, come on…”
The anger surges through me like an inferno. Not now. NOT NOW, I’m thinking. I command you, through pure force of will not to throw a fit right now, because I and only I have reserved the right to erupt indiscriminately and inappropriately. It is a right of passage. You too one day shall be able to unanimously revoke the family rules as they pertain to yourself.
“Please, do not start this now,” is all I manage to shriek, sputter and beg all at once.

8:23am. I scramble through every remaining drawer in the house knowing even as I go through the frenzied motions, that I do not possess a set of spare keys.

8:33am. Defeat. My husband, who was kind enough to move my car for me last night so that I wouldn’t have to do it at the crack of dawn this morning has now left for New York for 2 days with my keys securely locked in his car at the airport parking lot. I slump to the ground, a single tear of frustration leaking down my cheek, the weight of failure heavy on my back.

As the resignation seeps into every vein I finally concede that the situation is indeed beyond my control and “sheer force of will” and decide to embrace it.
Throwing caution to the wind I yell out: “Kids, get yourself some popcorn and turn on the TV, there’s no school today.” The release is like a geyser bursting, and I find myself an active accomplice in their squeals of delight.

The kids gleefully occupied and my violent flapping suspended, I remember that breathing is another useful tool – not the shallow chesty kind; the deep-to-the-core-of-your-heaving-belly kind and miraculously, I am able to tap into my resourcefulness and come up with a solution. My uncle also happens to be away and I am able to borrow his car. The kids pack up their impromptu picnic and we pile excitedly into our “new spaceship” and rocket towards school. We giggle conspiratorially in the office and they exhibit their late notes like a badge of honour, evidence of their morning adventure. I’m not sure how long the memory of this day will stick with them but it certainly will stay with me for a while.

The experience gave me such cause for gratitude. I was fully present to the yumminess of my children and the joy of being in their magical world. I realized that the greatest gift I can give them (and myself) is presence of mind. I’m not saying it is always easy. There are things that need to get accomplished in a day and there are very real expectations on our children and us as parents, but the emphasis we put on the outcome can be a little off-kilter.

It can be especially hard to connect with our children and mirror their point of view when we can’t suspend our own agenda (in some ways we’re not that much more emotionally evolved than them after all). So I made myself some “cheat notes” for when I forget the secret sequence of how to get through the maze of “this-is-the-way-it-has-to-be-land” and back to my happy place:
1. Stop. Completely. Physically stop moving and pause the thoughts.
2. Breathe. Deeply. More deeply.
3. Think on a scale of 1 – 10: how important is this really? And in 20 years time will it matter?
4. Shift perspective. Look for a positive spin. (Note: sometimes you have to look really hard).
5. Try again tomorrow.

Ahh the crazy routines of carpools, programs, homework and early morning scrambles. Living in the fast pace of trying to make everything run like clockwork, can be overwhelming. For many of us the tone of the day is set by the morning, a good morning can start the day off well and make it all seem manageable, a bad day can leave us feeling angry frustrated and frazzled. We then bring these feelings into work with us or carry them with us as we move through our day.

The same is true for our kids, if they walk into school already agitated and upset, they will overreact to little things which can get in the way of learning and positive social experiences. It is really important to have a good morning routine that can help us all start the day out well and get to work or school feeling upbeat.

Not every morning will go perfectly but you can certainly decrease or eliminate the yelling, lecturing and threatening. How many of us get the frantic tone in our voice urging our kids to” get out the door! Hurry up; I’m going to be late! Why do you do this to me every morning?” How many times do we promise ourselves that we won’t let this happen anymore only to find that it does? Here is a plan to help everyone start the day out right.

First, give yourselves lots of time. Whatever you thing you or your children may be getting out of those few extra minutes of sleep is being undone by the rush it will cause later.

Talk to your children and tell them there will be a new morning routine designed to make everyone happier in the morning, and tell them what that new routine will look like. Then the next day if you can wake up before the kids to get dressed have your coffee and read the paper. Once you have had a chance to take care of yourself, wake the kids up earlier than you have been, I usually recommend 30 minutes earlier than usual.

Break the morning up into what I call windows. The first window is your Childs personal time. They can have 20 minutes all to themselves without you telling them what to do. Wake them up warmly with hugs, kisses and kind words. If they love that great, if they grumble and they don’t like it, stay neutral, don’t get mad then calmly leave the room. They can lie in bed; they can go back to sleep, play with toys, read, whatever you normally allow in the morning. After that the next window opens and that may be getting dressed and brushing teeth. It is 15 minutes long you can give them instructions 3 times; when the window opens, to tell them five minutes before it closes and when it has closed.

If they get dressed right away they have more personal time, if they want to play with their toys with one leg in their pants that’s fine too as long as pants are on by the time the window closes. You do not nag or remind in the window. Then they move onto the next window which is eating breakfast. Follow the same rules. Here comes the most important part, the last window is the getting out the door window. It is extremely rare that you can stand at the door at 8:28 and say let’s go and everyone follows you out the door in single file and you are on your way by 8:30. It doesn’t happen. It takes at least 15 minutes generally to get out the door. Leave yourself that time. Tell the kids it is time to go 15 minutes before departure. That way when they can’t find their gym shoes or the hate the shirt they have on and need to change you are calmly waiting at the door knowing you have built in time for this.

If your kids do not accomplish what they needed to during one of the windows they can owe you that 15 minutes back, with a job to do that takes 15 minutes, or by going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Make sure to follow through if that is what you have set up. You can also give positive rewards later if you like, for accomplishing tasks during a window.

Mornings will be much more relaxed and enjoyable, everyone can start the day feeling good, feeling loved and feeling positive.

Give yourself more time

Stay neutral

Don’t nag

If they don’t accomplish what they needed to in one of the windows, stay calm and follow through with the consequence later.

Fill the morning with laughter and cuddles.