“Connected Parenting advises us not just how to parent, but—far more important—who to be as parents. The therapeutic methods suggested by Jennifer Kolari are based not on simple-minded behavioural solutions, but on building warm, nurturing relationships with our children, with insight and compassion not only for their little flaws, but also for our own larger ones.”
—Gabor Maté, M.D., physician and best-selling author of Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Disorder, Hold on to Your Kids (with Gordon Neufeld), When the Body Says No: The Cost of HIdden Stress, and In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction.
“How you respond to your child is how your child learns to respond to you. Focus on control when the child is oppositional or upset, and power struggles are likely to ensue. Focus on empathy, however, as Jennifer Kolari advocates, and concern for the child will encourage cooperation from the child, enabling the possibility for constructive change.”
—Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., author of Stop the Screaming: How to Turn Angry Conflict with Your Child into Positive Communication. Follow his blog at Psychologytoday.com.
“Sometimes we try so hard to be the perfect parent, and put so much effort into it that we can’t get out of our own way. Jennifer Kolari shows us ways to deal with our children that are so simple and yet so brilliant it’s like magic. If you are a parent, know a parent, or are planning to become a parent, you need this book. As a pediatrician for nearly 20 years and the mother of four children, I can honestly say I wish I’d had this book before my first child was born, it would have made life so much easier. The techniques in this book can be effectively applied to a 2 year old or a 20 year old, and that’s the beauty of Connected Parenting.”
—Debra DeBiasse, M.D., FAAP, Salina Regional Health Center, Salina, Kansas
“With Connected Parenting, Jennifer Kolari provides a novel approach to parenting the challenging child. Her CALM approach (connect, affect, listen, mirror) is not necessarily instinctive for most parents. Instead of starting with advice on changing behavior, she begins with the more fundamental task of rebuilding frayed relationships and understanding the emotions behind the unwanted behaviors. Ms. Kolari uses mirroring, a therapy technique, as a strategic form of parental communication. The mirroring approach takes practice but accomplishes several important goals; it makes the child feel understood, diffuses emotions, and leads to opportunities for repair. Incorporated into the relationship with one’s child, the technique has long-lasting effects on the child’s behavior. Although Ms. Kolari directs her work toward the relationship with the challenging child, the lessons learned can be applied to all relationships. Connected Parenting is compelling reading for any parent who has been challenged by the relationship with his or her child.”
—John T. Kanegaye, MD, FAAP, FACEP Division of Emergency Medicine, Rady Children’s Hospital San Diego, Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Pediatrics, University of California, San Diego School of Medicine
“Connected Parenting is the ultimate survival guide for families. Jennifer’s methods restore the trust, respect and affection that difficult behaviours can undermine, while helping to manage those same behaviours with original, fresh techniques. Parents will see how their relationships with their children can be repaired and strengthened in ways they may have thought were impossible.”
—Michael Kearns, Senior Producer, CBC News: Sunday/Sunday Night
“Funny, warm, and fresh, Kolari’s Connected Parenting is, hands down, the most effective parenting system of our generation. This book will bring out the very best in your child. Put simply, this book changed my life.”
—Tish Cohen, bestselling author of Inside Out Girl and Townhouse
“If you too agonize—Why can’t he just say ‘okay mommy’, this book is for you. An extra challenging child is a gift; Jennifer Kolari helps you learn how to cherish it. Her empathetic ‘mirroring’ strategy works on the most wound up child—even on husbands! And now it’s in print, so we can’t forget the techniques. Jennifer Kolari helped steer us toward more effective parenting of the challenging child, so we could focus on the joyful gifts rather than the problems. If you need a reason to read it, turn to the back page—and Kolari’s poignant questions: What do I want my children to remember about their childhood? And, even scarier, What do I want my children to remember about me? Parenting doesn’t come with a textbook—Connected Parenting is close to it.”
—Susan Ormiston, Broadcaster, CBC, The National
“All the secrets are revealed in Connected Parenting. These are the keys to unlock the barriers that exist between parents and children. For parents, educators and Family Medicine residents, Jennifer Kolari’s first book should be required reading. The tools are invaluable, but most importantly, they are effective and behavioural change will successfully occur.
—Dr. Marvin Gelkopf, MD, CCF, FCFP, Assistant Professor
“As a practicing paediatrician, I have had the privilege of observing the success of Jennifer Kolari’s therapeutic techniques over many years. Now that these techniques are available in this book, I will be recommending Connected Parenting to every parent who brings their infant to my office.”
—Dr Till Davy, FRCP(c), FAAP, Honorary Consultant, The Hospital for Sick Children, Toronto, Associate Professor of Paediatrics, University of Toronto
“I have known Jennifer Kolari for several years and have sent a number of children and families to her for therapy. I have worked with a number of clinicians in several children’s mental health agencies and clinics and have found Jennifer’s style and techniques to be among the very best. She has been able to effect change in the most complex families, with children who have ‘been through the system’ and been exposed to a myriad of clinicians and treatment approaches, none of which proved effective for them. With her approachable, warm, composed demeanor, and brilliant clinical skills, she has been able to connect with these parents and children, work closely with them, and make the family unit function again. The skills and techniques highlighted in this book are going to prove effective for parents and professionals alike. The concepts are sound, theoretically based, and truly work. This book is going to be required reading in any subsequent courses I teach on child and adolescent psychotherapy.”
—Dr. Alisa Kenny Bridgman, C. Psych., Child and Adolescent Psychologist
“Reading this book is like being in a private therapy session with Jennifer Kolari. Real life scenarios are described. We are given the words to use when we face typical difficult parenting situations. Staying calm and using the CALM technique truly makes a difference in the life of the child and the life of the family. The mirroring method that is taught byConnected Parenting and is described in this book is very powerful and very effective. Now parents can have unlimited access to the excellent Connected Parenting techniques described in this book.”
—Dr. Daphna Grossman, MD, CCFP (em), FCFP
“Connected Parenting has changed how I interact with my son in such a positive way. More importantly, I see how mirroring is a lifelong tool that is essential in every relationship.”
—Sarah Stirtz Registered Nurse, Salina, Kansas
“Jennifer Kolari has taken her exceptional gifts as a child therapist and made them accessible to a wider audience. More than any other parenting book I have read, Connected Parentingoffers parents a framework by which they can demonstrate and communicate a deep understanding of their child’s inner emotional life. Calming your child and in particular mirroring, are much more than mere techniques. These are the building blocks of loving, enduring relationships.”
—Pauline Pariser, MASc, MD, CCFP, FCFP
“I began reading Connected Parenting on my flight to Vancouver Island to bid a final farewell to a dear friend who was suddenly diagnosed with a rapidly advancing terminal cancer. My attention was admittedly divided between the words on the page and my apprehension of how I was going to handle myself with her and her loved ones. I arrived a few hours too late; my friend had passed away. The next few days I spent with the family were much less difficult than I had anticipated. In retrospect, I realized why. The teachings in Jennifer’s book – deep listening, validation, the CALM technique – became wisdom and transformative in their impact, as I engaged in ‘very connected conversations’ that honoured relationships, empathy, and respect.
As the world turns and its movement becomes more frenzied, parents and teachers are the only two forces left who are entrusted with society’s greatest responsibility – to raise children into ethical, moral, and efficacious young adults. We need all the help we can get! Jennifer offers us the means to achieve the delicate balance between teaching and guiding our children while resisting the impulse to want to control them. She achieves this through a healthy sprinkle of success stories, well-researched foundation for brain-compatible approaches, and an abundance of common sense.”
—Dr. Pat Bucci, Educational Consultant