I am Natalia Arbuzova, and I have one child who is my own and my partner has three more kids. Their ages are 12, 13, 14, and 14.
One thing is my relationship with my partner's kids, because we have totally different parenting styles and what worked with me and my child did not work with the other kids.
The second thing is that my son is 13, but he is a bit more mature than kids his age so he is becoming a teenager. At times I feel like I am losing him.
With my son, he appreciates the new approach I am taking. The morning routine has always been difficult for us. He can't get up, and I get angry, or anxious about him missing school.
Instead of hounding him to get up one morning, I could see he was not ready. He was crying. I had 5 minutes to speak with him at that moment before I left.
I told him that he can go to school if he wants, or just stay home and talk when I get back. He did not go to school that day. When I got home later we talked, and he thanked me for not getting angry. This was a big moment of realization for me.
I like these types of resources that give you a different way of looking at things rather than just throwing a bunch of tools at you.
You are being asked to relate to a child at their emotional level, and feel what the child is experiencing. Maybe he was not doing what he was supposed to be doing, but the emotion behind it is what matters.
He may be frustrated, or even angry with himself for doing that thing. Piling more anger or frustration onto that is not the answer.
I am naturally more focused on what people do versus what people feel or say. It has been a big challenge for me to shift my focus from what has been done to how it is felt.
My favorite part is that the strategies taught are reasonable and achievable. It might take you a while to learn, but you can do it.
I would definitely recommend Connected Parenting.
